PRESSING BEYOND

THE BRIGHT SIDE OF REJECTION

When we prepare for that one incredible opportunity that is aligned with our talents, dreams, and goals, nothing but a “yes” will do. Nonetheless, what precedes that one “yes” are many “no’s.” Rejections are part of pressing beyond and progressing forward. Whether it be for a top-tiered position at a global organization, applying to a choice university, or a role in a Tom Hanks movie, getting another rejection is one step closer to “yes.”

To be eliminated from a lineup of competitors has a way of diminishing our self-worth. Our feelings tank as does our hope. Or so we think. Rejections get a bad rap but dependent on our perception, rejections can be fundamental to improving performance and building resiliency.

First, rejections come in all shapes and sizes. There is the “flat-out no” rejection when we can actually hear the door slam in our face. Another type of rejection is softer in tone, “Sorry, we like your idea but it’s not a fit for our organization.” Then there is the rejection that flips our stomachs when we are discreetly informed, “We’ve decided to go with someone else, someone more suitable for the position.” Rejections are part of life and we’ve all experienced at least one. How many of us were rejected by our “first crush” in grade school? And how many of us were rejected after trying out for the team?

Early on, my career was in the performing arts. Given this was back in the ’80s (before the digital age), I booked a significant amount of work. In time, I found that the industry modulated according to a person’s age. Hence, as the years rolled by, the steady work I secured scaled down to sporadic bookings that eventuated into a plethora of rejections. And they were excruciating. My alternative was to shift gears. And I did.

I decided to pursue a dream that never waned. Write a novel. (Unlike the performing arts, physical appearance nor age are factored into getting published but the quality of how one writes is everything.) So, I wrote and wrote and wrote. Then after I completed the manuscript and the book proposal, the arduous work began; to find that one literary agent or publisher who would be interested in my genre. Never did I think my efforts in such a pursuit could bring on such an onslaught of rejections. But rather than allow my feelings to hit bottom, I decided to keep a record of my rejections including dates, comments, and all other communication. In doing so, I found there were “points to ponder” on the bright side of rejection.

1.    Rejections validate feelings. They allow us to grieve. When we didn’t get the role in the Tom Hanks movie, we have permission to cry. Many will say, “next time,” but we all know “next time” could be a long time. Mourning through rejection is a healing component to getting over the loss.

2.    Rejections give perspective. When getting rejected, we may think we’re the only ones. Not so. For example, one rejection from a publisher is nothing in respect to the many rejections Stephen King and J.K Rowling had to endure. In any industry, it helps to know that when it comes to “misery loves company,” we are not alone.  

3.    Rejections point to our “why.” Determination will keep us in our game till we hear that one “yes.” But, if all our options are exhausted and the outpouring of rejections accelerates, perhaps it’s time to reassess our “why.” And it may be the optimal time to reconsider that other aspiration.

4.    Rejections improve skills. Should one rejection include constructive feedback, that’s a considerable indicator. We may not have aced the opportunity, but our work evoked some attention. I received an email from a reputable publisher who elaborated on specific issues; what worked and what needed work. I was devastated at first but once I came out of my slump, I took note of her comments which helped me to make the necessary changes and fine-tune my work.

5.    Rejections humble us. Rejections can be a blow to our pride, but it’s also a way of keeping our egos in check. When it comes to that one available position, we believe we are the best ones for the job. As do all the other candidates. To know we’re not the only ones who got eliminated will ease the blow but more so, keep us grounded.

6.    Rejections strengthen us. As in the words of Kelly Clarkson, “rejections don’t kill us but make us stronger.” For every rejection we endure, we become more resilient. Furthermore, we need to be mindful that closed doors do not define who we are, nor do they determine our future.

7.    Rejections can prevent us from making comparisons. Maybe social media is to blame but how many of us compare our lives to others? When we are passed over because of someone else, we cannot take it personally. Back to the Tom Hanks movie; we could be too short, too tall, too wide, too thin, too old, or too young. What we have no control over has nothing to do with why we were “shown the door.” Same with the job interview. We majored in psychology and the hiring manager was interested in candidates who majored in journalism. We shouldn’t compare our lives to others because although we were all created equal, no two of us are alike. And besides, no life is more extraordinary than the one you made for yourself.  

Rejections can be a powerful tool if leveraged in our favor. And it’s a given; we will get more “no’s” before that one “yes.” In the meantime, we can rest knowing that rejections are not all negative, but another means to reaching our best. Think on the bright side.